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Selamat berbahagia buat putri-putri kesayanganku yang akan menempuh hari berbahagia, Nor Hazilah, Dayang Pink, Putri Zahra (Indonesia), Afifah Assegofh (Indonesia) semoga atikel ini dapat membantu di dalam melayari kehidupanmu, semoga berbahagia putri-putri kesayanganku.
BITING YOUR TONGUE
Here are 7 ways to avoid arguments, eliminate stress, and ultimately, achieve a happier, healthier relationship.
The dictionary defines the term biting your tongues as - making a conscious effort to not say anything for the sake of politeness or peace.
So, in the name of Peace, here are some effective ways to avoid ugly arguments without pulling all your hairs out.
1. ASK IS IT WORTH IT?
There is a time and place for speaking one's mind; being right or having the last word isn't the ultimate goal all the time.
Wisdom plays a large role in deciding when we need to bite our tongue for the greater good - to keep the peace.
Not being able to speak our mind during an argument or discussion is not an easy feat. But it all boils down to one thing - is being right worth all the heartache?
Sometimes, losing in an argument could mean winning a loving relationship.
2. YOU CAN STOP IT. YES YOU CAN STOP ARGUING!
This might come as a revelation to many but it takes responsibility and not shove the blame to the other party.
Take a deep breath and distance yourself for a few seconds. Instead, make this your new mantra every time you feel like responding to an argument - "Fine. He is trying to argue but I am not going to".
Here is the thing - if you deny fire oxygen, it won't burn and if you refuse to be goaded into an argument, there won't be one.
Use your energy instead to recognise and focus on things that you two can agree on. This is because people are more willing to cooperate when they feel you are trying to connect with them.
Use "agreement statements" that can help bring a breakthrough to any disputes - "I can see why you would think that..." or "I can see your point and ...."
And more importantly, after asking the questions, make sure you really listen to their answers.
3. HOLD THE INSULT
Author Mark tyrell states in his article, Stop Arguing Your Relationship to Death that character assassination is a huge no-no when it comes to keeping friends and lovers. Do not over-generalise negatively about the other person's whole identity.
If your other half forgot to pick up your dry cleaning, do not criticise his whole character,"You are so insensitive!" What you can do is to concentrate on the complaint itself, "I'm upset you forgot my dry cleaning when i specifically told you I needed that dress for tonight".
So, remember to voice the current issue and not generalise your criticism on someone's whole character.
4. HOLD THAT THOUGHT AND TONGUE
Sometimes being totally honest by voicing every thought and having everything out in the open can be disastrous. Couples and best friends who stuck with ech other through time have learned one important thing - to not go there.
They learn about each other's sensitive issues and learn to steer clear of those topics even when things get heated up. So wise up and learn to keep quiet about things if you know someone will only get upset when you talk about it. Don't use it as leverage even when you a tempted to. For the sake of great relationships, learn to hold it in!
5. THINK ABOUT BETTER TIMES
When you feel yourself starting to get riled up and about to chew the other party's head off, do a quick mental switch with this trick.
Before you get too heated up, think about the nice things that the other person has done for you recently.
Start with the most recent incident and then move on to things that person did that touched you. What this technique does is snap you out of your angry mode and change your perception of the argument.........
When your memory reminds you how the other person was there for you during your meltdown, arguing about whose turn it was to take out the trash seems trivial. When the good feelings toward the other person come into play, you find yourself softening and able to graciously give way.
6. DON'T BRING UP THE PAST
During a disagreement, never dig up the past - it won't resolve the current issue and will only escalate a simple disagreement into a full-blown argument. Making a pact not to mention the past will effectively stop the argument from spiraling out of control.
Agree on a reasonable time frame for all arguments - nothing over a two-week period is a good example.
Constantly going back to stuff someone did wrong weeks, months, or years ago is harmful to relationship. What's in the past should stay in the past and it's time to move on.
Arguments become shorter when both parties have less ammunition to fire at one another. All said and done, let's leave time travel to the movies where it's more entertaining!.
7. SORRY IS A MAGICAL WORD
Research shows that people who are able to apologise are more likely to be married and stay married longer than those who can never say, "Sorry."
Learn to eat humble pie once in a while and admit when you are wrong. This tip works for all relationships.
At time, apologising doesn't mean you are admitting you are at fault. It can mean that you are sorry about the situation - "I am sorry this turned out badly."
The effect of that word does something to an argument - it can diffuse animosity in a flash.
It calms the the other party down and enables a proper conversation to take place.
Try it and see the magic takes place!
Appreciations and credit given to the unknown author of this article. May god bless u dear.
