First impressions really do count. Studies have found that after an initial meeting, it takes only seven seconds for us to know whether we find the other person sexy or not.
In that time the man has scanned a woman's body completely before returning his gaze to her face. And a woman has made up her mind by concentrating in his lips and eyes.
They may not have have actually spoken to each other, but their bodies have done all the talking that's needed.
Whether we know it or not, we all send and receive sexual signals: to attract those we love or those we want to love - or to give clear messages to others that sex is not on the agenda.
And in her new book, Quillan reveals how we can interpret, create and control these powerful signals.
"We can all use our body talk to find a partner and develop a relationship, from first glances through to greater intimacy and love-making." she says.
The way we stand, sit, hold our body, move, gesticulate, touch, speak and look can all give clues to our real feelings.
Experts on body language around the world are generally agreed that:
If a woman crossed her feet at the ankles, it is a receptive sign, implying that it's all right for others to approach. If however, she crosses her legs high and tight, locking her thighs together, she is shutting people out.
When a couple are getting to know each other, they may position themselves to block out others by using their arms to close a vehicle, by crossing their feet towards each other, or by leaning towards each other.
"When we see someone we want to attract, we do what all the animals do: we show ourselves off to best advantage," says Quillan. "Like the Peacock, we flutter our plumes and display our attractions, signalling to the other person that we are interested,".
A woman may do it by sitting up and straightening her back to show her breasts. Men might angle themselves to make their shoulders appear bigger and buttocks smaller.
Once you have accurately read the messages being sent to you, it's time to let the other person know how you plan to respond to the chance of a relationship.
"This is the stage of learning about each other, of building the foundations of the rich sexual life we hope to have," says Quillan. "By using body talk to become aware of our desires and to read our partner's likes and dislikes, we begin to chart elements that make both of us who we are, in bed and out of it,"
In this moving to intimacy phase as she calls it, there is the steady progress, of course naturally..
What happened after that is, of course, up to the couple. But if they decide on a lasting relationship, they will, in time, move to a deep understanding of their mutual body talk.
"A couple with lifelong love will, whether they know it or not, share the same body-talk vocabulary, and give and receive complimentary body-talk messages," says Quillan.
By closely studying the body language of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, one American expert, Maxine Fiel of New York, confirms the many international rumours that love is rapidly draining from the royal marriage.
"It is clear through their body language that love is on the wane," she says, having analysed recent movies and photographs of the royal couple.
"It has been swept aside by a tide of anger, hurt, bitterness and resentment. And while the princess still exhibits a desire to recapture their love, he displays indifference to her,"
She says that in the vast majority of cases when they are together - a rarity in itself, these days - they make no effort to touch or lean towards each other.
"Men who are loving would reach out for their wives in some way, but Charles hardly ever does that these days." says Fiel. "Instead his body language tends to suggest that she might just as well be a statue. In many other scenes, his body is clearly saying that he is in full control and she doesn't bother him.
"Today's body talk contrasts sharply with the photographs taken during the royal couple's honeymoon. In many of them you'll see Charles proudly and happy, keeping close to Diana, smiling widely and genuinely and with no tension on his face.
"And from many of her honeymoon stances, her body positions clearly proclaim 'I'm yours,'''
The trouble with body language, especially as most of it is unconscious, is, as far a women are concerned, how do you avoid unwanted advances at work?
Trouble is, there are plenty of women, who want to flirt at work, while others positively do not.
Expert suggest the following rules might help those women in the latter category who, unwittingly, give some men the "come on" signal:
o Don't dress to attract attention.
o Don't talk about details of your personal life to the men around you, keep conversation to the work on hand. If you don't have a husband or boyfriend, invent one and talk a lot about him.
o Never drink alone with a male workmate, he will think that he is on a date with you.
o Ask about his family and, if he has a wife and kids, ask about them a lot.
o Refuse lunches or dinners that are 'pleasur' and not related to business.
o Don't ask for or offer to do special favours - reciprocity is implied.
-IPS (by Graham Payne)
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